Yep. Sometimes the day just keeps coming at ya and coming. Yesterday was one of those days. Multiple things out of my control happened that was detrimental to my soul. For real, it was not a good one. Again the key was that these things were out of my control. No matter what I did, it really didn’t matter because why? Out of my control. I suck at this concept. I want to be able to change the world and make it the best place possible! When it doesn’t work out like this… it sucks and makes me feel like a failure.
And then the icing on the cake… a person informed me that others were talking bad about me. So backstory here… I am always trying to make process improvements. I create programs for others and put them on a silver platter for others to take as their own, do the work and get promotions. These same folks that were talking bad about me are the ones who do not take the programs. Someone has to get the work done as it needed. So I do the work if someone is not willing to step up. This is a culture of folks who told me to “sit down and shut up as your are working too hard and you make us all look bad. You are creating more work for us.” People don’t like change. It’s hard for them.
After hearing this and after dealing with the day’s mess, I sure did drop some curse words that is so uncharacteristic of me. I try to be a good Christian. The devil is always playing his games and trying to win your mind. He tries to tell you that you are just like him lonely, thoughts of betrayal, fallen… Of course after I dropped these vile words, I instanced felt dirty and super sad that I had let the devil win in that moment.
Those talking bad about me hurt my feelings oh so bad because my main objectives always are to make processes better, patient care better and help the staff to rise up. To do this, I’m all about two birds with one stone. I get those folks who are interested in the identified process change and then mentor these people as to how make process improvement changes. In doing so, these people are mentored, get the job done and get a promotion out of it. Win-win-win! And the real truth behind the hurt was that these folks were my friends…
So what’s the lesson… we can’t make everyone happy. Truth. But I’m a people pleaser and want everyone to like me! Working progress y’all as that mess don’t work. And when I dig I have to realize that I truly do not know what is going on in others’ lives. Maybe they are really struggling in their own lives, and I’m the scapegoat. I have to remember, “What other people think of me is NONE of my business.” All I can own is that I try to do the best job possible everyday. I try to breathe positive strength into others as my mentors have done for me. I have to learn to love myself for who I am and let me be ok with me. I have to tell y’all that I wrote this for me as I have been crying about all this since it happened. After I wrote this paragraph, I believed it as it what I have to tell myself on a frequent basis to get through situations like this. Now pulling my bootstraps up and putting some smell good aromatherapy on. Getting my peace on 😉
Today for you, think about those who hurt you with their words. Often it is coming from a place of insecurity on them but it is also coming from a place of insecurity on you if you entertain the words. Where is the insecurity coming from on your part? My insecurities came from the fact that I try to be honest, transparent and help others always. I could not understand what else I could have done to not be so. It made me question the way that I operate in my processes in which I take so much pride in.
You got this. Learn from the days that suck as it is truly a gift if you allow for them to be as you we gain so much strength. By experiencing the sucky day, you will be able to know by questioning yourself if you are truly living by your values and morals.
With Love & Gratitude,